


Merits

by canniballistics



Category: Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canniballistics/pseuds/canniballistics
Summary: "You know, I've just realized," she began, "that for how long we've been co-conspirators, I don't think I know any of your birthdays."-----In which interesting information is gained, and gentle evenings are had.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Harukami](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harukami/gifts).



> SO first and foremost, I apologize for. akljfdae everything. I couldn't remember if they'd actually stated when any of their birthdays actually are, so I came up with some dates that felt right. I also desperately hope I made Gideon sound alright ;n; this is meant to take place sometime in between Virtu and Mirador, but closer to the former than the latter, perhaps eight or nine months after.
> 
> AAAANYWAY I hope you like it! Have a lovely holiday season!

I am still unsure as whose suggestion it was. Mehitabel, I suspect; while he _had_ made a great deal of progress, Mildmay still did not seem of a mind to use such non-vital information, and though it may be true that Felix cared for me, in the time that I'd known him, he has always been remarkably bad at looking outside himself. That left Mehitabel, the only other person in Melusine I could truly call a friend, in whatever capacity that entailed. No doubt, the only other person who might care.

Contrary to the suggestion itself, I knew precisely where the idea came from. It had been a rare, peaceful moment in Felix's rooms; Felix was sat to one of the sides of the room reading, while Mildmay and I sat playing cards. Mehitabel had stopped by for a few moments to see Mildmay and tell us of her company's newest production (and was using the visit as an excuse to complain of how ill-suited one of the players was to her role) when there was a tap at the door. There was a moment of silence as we occupants looked around at each other; after another tap, Mildmay pushed himself to his feet. He limped over to the door to find a courier, a boy of no older than fifteen, whose eyes grew wide and a little bit frightened upon seeing him there. 

"Letter f-for Mildmay Foxe, sir," he stammered, holding out a small envelope. 

Mildmay seemed visibly taken aback by this, muttering out a quiet "thanks" before digging a few coins out of his pocket to tip the boy and, as soon as he was gone and the door shut, handing the letter off to Mehitabel. I saw Felix's brows raise, surprised and perhaps a little offended that he hadn't been chosen to receive the letter instead. 

:Felix,: was all I needed to say; he glanced back at me, no doubt remembering one of the many conversations we'd had about allowing Mildmay his own time. Felix's cheeks colored, and he opened his book, furiously pretending to read.

I hadn't noticed that Mehitabel had already opened the envelope and was glancing through its contents. "Well," she said, and her surprise was evident in that one word. "It seems we've been invited to a birthday party, for one Simon Barrister. The invitation is specifically addressed to Mildmay, but we're welcome to attend as well. As thanks for saving his and Rinaldo's lives, I expect," she finished, and between Felix and Mildmay, I couldn't tell whose eyes were bigger once she'd finished speaking.

"Simon is having a _party_?" Felix asked at the same time Mildmay blurted out, "Why d'they want _me_?" 

"I imagine," Mehitabel drawled, "they credit you with their escape, Mildmay. Despite it being a _group effort_ to leave the Bastion itself," she teased. "If it weren't for us, they might not be here to celebrate. That makes it all the more worth it to do, don't you think?" Felix seemed properly cowed at this; I tried not to smile. And after a pause, she asked, "Do you _want_ to go, Mildmay?"

It took him far too long for him to answer, made far too obvious the trouble he was having with the idea. "Dunno," he muttered, eyes casting to the ground and quickly sitting back down. I suppose I couldn't blame him; to call that period in his life _troubled_ was doing it no justice, and it was not nearly as far behind us as he most likely wished. I could understand how he might have difficulties.

Perhaps sensing how uncomfortable he was, Mehitabel looked way, busying herself with folding the letter and slipping it back into its envelope, precise and pristine. "Well, we've until the weekend to decide. It's no rush, so take your time in deciding what you want to do."

And then she paused, an odd quirk to her mouth. "You know, I've just realized," she began, "that for how long we've been co-conspirators, I don't think I know any of _your_ birthdays." She drew herself up, casting her eyes about the room at us. _Ah,_ , I thought. _This must be what Mildmay calls her 'teacher voice.'_ Indeed, there was a sort of authority to her voice as Mehitabel made sure to lock eyes with each of us, so that we understood she would not accept anything less than a date. "Mine is 21 Prairial; what about you lot?"

Felix was the first to speak up. "Mine is Eré 30. That's.. 30 Vendémiaire by city reckoning, I believe." 

Mehitabel nodded. "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me at all." WIthout missing a beat, and without waiting to answer the puzzled look on Felix's face, she turned to Mildmay. "What about you, Sunshine?"

He frowned, squirming under her gaze. "...think it's 21 Thermidor?" he muttered.

"You _think_?" Mehitabel and Felix said at the same time, both bewildered. I couldn't help the frown that crossed my face. Mildmay made no secret of his checkered past; that this should be the thing to offend them was odd to me. Given how close they'd all become, it wasn't a reaction I'd expected from them. 

Neither did Mildmay, it appeared. He shrank back, the line of his shoulders defensive. "Wasn't no one to celebrate it or care," I was barely able to grasp as he mumbled, the " _So why should I?_ " hanging unsaid in the air. 

Seeing that she'd made his discomfort worse, Mehitabel skilfully shifted the room's attention to me. It was sweet, how much she cared. From time to time, I felt myself wondering if Mildmay ever noticed it. I thought about the answer she sought for a moment, before fetching something with which to write her an answer.

"4 Pluviôse?" She read aloud, her brows drawing up nearly to her hairline. "Gideon, that's in a week! Why didn't you say anything?"

I quirked my eyebrows at her; the color in her cheeks darkened a touch as she added, "Oh, you know what I mean." I shrugged, and then paused to think. I'd told Felix and Mildmay of my faith, of the White-Eyed Lady and her courtship with death, but Mehitabel had no idea, and I didn't know what her feelings on the Lady were. I was more than used to watching the day come and go, and the fact no one else knew the date had meant I was safe from prying questions. Questions a bit like this. 

I wasn't sure what to say.

"Gideon?" Felix nudged at my silence, frowning curiously in my direction. 

All I could do was offer him a small shrug. :Why should I celebrate the date of my birth, when I wait for the day I return to my Lady?:

He gave a quiet "ah," as though he understood, but I could see my words troubled him; seeing the curious looks on Mildmay and Mehitabel's faces, he nodded in my direction. "As I understand it, his.. _culture_ lends no weight or import to birthdays. He says he doesn't celebrate."

I nodded. It wasn't exactly the truth, but neither was it a lie. While Felix and Mildmay seemed to accept this, Mehitabel looked troubled. I could see that there was something she wished to say; instead, she sighed. "Well, aren't you boys boring? Suppose I won't expect any surprises from you lot when mine rolls around, will I? In the meantime," and she picked herself up, handing Mildmay his letter before donning her coat, "I'm going to snoop around a bit and see if I can find an appropriate gift."

The door clicked shut behind her, and I suppose I should have noticed that she didn't specify for whom she sought said gift.

* * *

Simon's birthday party came and passed without much fuss. Mildmay did, in the end, decide to attend, if only for an hour or so; Mehitabel and Felix stayed longer to cover for his escape, and Mildmay and I enjoyed the silence of the suite for however long we were able. After a while, however, I noticed him watching me. True to his name, his observation of me was near imperceptible, and it took me far too long to realize he was paying attention to more than just the cards I was playing. Once I was sure of it, I set down my hand and tilted my head at him.

He seemed to know immediately what I was trying to ask. "Powers. Sorry, Gideon." He sighed deeply. "Mehitabel keeps askin' about you. For your birthday. Told her I ain't got a clue what you'd want, so she wanted me to find out." And then, because it seemed to amuse him that he'd already revealed as much, he added, "Wasn't supposed to tell you that, neither, but you're smart enough to get it anyway."

I offered him a smile, and while I knew he wouldn't return the expression, the caution in his posture seemed to evaporate for it. We picked up our cards and resumed our game, but from then on I was distracted. I'd thought Felix's excuse that I did not quite celebrate would settle the matter; apparently, Mehitabel hadn't quite accepted it. While I appreciated the gesture, there was only one thing I truly wanted, and it had been ripped from me, cast aside somewhere to rot. I would not get it back, no matter how badly I wished I could.

"Gideon?" Mildmay was frowning at me. I tilted my head to show that I'd heard him, bid him to continue. "Somethin' wrong?"

With a start, I realized that my hand had come to rest on my cheek, pressing lightly into the flesh and against my teeth. I took my hand away quickly, shaking my head. There was nothing anyone could do about it now. I did not need to dwell on it. I could see that he didn't believe me, but he dropped it anyway. We spent the rest of the evening in relative silence, and when we separated to retreat to our respective bedrooms, I touched his hand, nodding my head in a quiet thanks. He shrugged, and that was the last I heard of it.

For a little while, at least.

* * *

When I woke on the morning of 4 Pluvôise, it was to a strange tension in my shoulders and an unfortunately short temper. I suppose it was the memory of that conversation with Mildmay that frayed my nerves a bit; I wasn't sure what to expect, and the idea of expecting _something_ only to have nothing happen did not lend itself too kindly to my mood. Felix and Mildmay were gone for court, and so at least I had a blessedly quiet morning; by the time they returned, my temper had simmered down a few degrees. As soon as I saw them, however, my anxious anticipation surged back. Felix finally noticed that I was sitting at the table as they were hanging their coats.

"Ah, good, you're awake," he said, pulling off his scarf. There was something off about his mannerisms, the look on his face. Like he was confused, trying to work through an incredibly complicated mental math problem. It was only compounded by the way he held out a hand to hang his scarf on top of his coat, only to miss the hook entirely; I managed to see Mildmay roll his eyes before grabbing it before it could hit the floor, and perhaps that helped soothe my mood a little.

:Yes, Felix. That tends to happen after one has a full night's rest.: He frowned at me, and I sighed, waved it away. It wouldn't do to take out my baseless frustrations on him. :How was court?:

:Utterly pointless, as usual. I swear, one of these days we will discuss something actually _useful_ , and half the court will miss it because we are so used to banality.: 

He offered me a small, worried smile before absently taking one of my leftover pieces of toast, a cold thing, and rock hard. It made it all the way to his mouth before he realized what he was doing and set it back down to instead fidget with his rings. It was almost endearing to see him so nervous, even if I wasn't completely positive as to why. 

We spent a few good minutes like that before he sat up suddenly, a determined look on his face. Almost as though he'd made up his mind about something, and though I was fairly certain as to what it was, I waited for him to speak. :Gideon, what are your plans for this evening?:

I raised my eyebrows at him. :Well, I almost always have a fully booked planner, as you know. I may be available tonight, though, I'll need to check.: It was a silly question, but in all honesty, it was a comfort as well. At least I knew I hadn't woken up anxious for no reason. :You know I'm free, Felix,: I said, a bit kinder this time. :What do you need?:

Felix rolled his eyes, shifting to drum his fingers against the tabletop, idly conjuring a small witchlight to dance along his knuckles. :Well, I thought perhaps I might set the Mirador on fire to see what reaction I might instead receive.: And then he winced, as though realizing that, despite its being at his own expense, the joke was in rather poor taste. :I thought,: and he paused, obviously weighing his words. :It has come to my attention that I am..perhaps not the most attentive of persons.:

Tactfully, I said nothing. It was true, after all, and I knew I had Mehitabel to thank for this realization. His cheeks colored, but seeing that I wouldn't interrupt, he decided to press on.

:So, despite birthdays not bearing any importance for those who worship Nera, I thought I might take you out for an evening. Dinner and a play? Mehitabel assures me that her company's rival does an absolutely atrocious _Three Faces of Cosette_. I thought we might have a nice dinner, and then laugh at what is purportedly a hilariously terrible rendition of a great dramatical tragedy.:

The words spilled out of him almost rapidfire, as though he was nervous about the proposition, and if I had been anyone else, I might have said yes immediately. It was, after all, a lovely idea for a birthday celebration. I was not, however, anyone else; it was a fact that the other wizards in the Mirador liked to snicker about whenever I would go out with Felix. Considering the mood I'd woken up in, I wasn't certain I wanted to put up with such naked passive aggression today, especially if Felix and Mehitabel wanted to make a thing of it.

:As wonderful as that sounds, Felix…: His face dropped as soon as I began to speak. I hadn't expected him to be so enthusiastic about this, given his nervousness in asking and the way he'd accepted that I wasn't really one to celebrate. I sighed, leaned forward to touch his hand, so that I might continue. :As wonderful as that sounds, I think a night spent in with you would be much better.: 

I did not miss the sharp intake of breath as he looked up at me, eyes wide and, just for a few seconds, innocently shocked. Perhaps it was mean of me, but I laughed, just a little, taking his hand to kiss his oddly uneven knuckles. :How does that sound to you?:

Felix watched me for a second, probably to see if I would withdraw my suggestion. Then, quietly, :Are you sure? What about dinner?:

:Do people not eat dinner if it isn't at someone else's expense?: I asked idly, and received a laugh for the effort. Good. I smiled warmly at him. :We can always eat here, send for someone to bring up food instead. And if you truly insist on making an event of it, we can invite Mehitabel and Mildmay to join us.:

Felix chuckled, squeezing my fingers. :This whole thing was her idea, you know. It is surprisingly difficult to plan an evening for someone you care a great deal about. I'm absolutely terrible at it.: As if not realizing what he'd said, he stood, twisting our hands so that he could kiss mine this time, instead. :I'll see about making preparations and having dinner sent up to us. Perhaps I can work something out to make it truly special...:

He trailed off, and I watched him wander over to Mildmay's door, knocking quickly to retrieve his brother. I wasn't sure why the both of them were necessary for whatever errands Felix was running; he simply had to ask for some food, didn't he? Still, if it made him feel better, I would let him continue. It was a compromise, something I was learning to get used to in our relationship.

They had been gone a few minutes before I realized with a start — my bad mood had completely disappeared, leaving a light warmth in its place. I smiled, and pulled a new book from Felix's shelves.

* * *

The brothers were gone most of the day, and oddly enough, I found myself remarkably bored in their absence. I read through two books, shuffled through the stockpiled bits of parchment that I was saving to write on, whenever the need arose, and rearranged what meager belongings I had stored in Felix's closets. By the time they returned, I was near to stir-crazy and so relieved to see them I nearly jumped out of my seat. I was lucky enough to stop myself, instead looking up from my book and nodding in greeting.

Felix didn't make it past the entryway before he was frowning, looking quickly around the room and apparently finding it not up to his tastes. "We'll need to clean up," he muttered, and began to collect the books he'd been stockpiling by his chair. Mildmay and I watched him for a few minutes, until he realized we were not helping and said, "Well? I am _not_ cleaning all of this mess alone."

I couldn't help a laugh at that, and if I didn't know any better, I'd almost guess that Mildmay had chuckled. I couldn't be sure, and of course there was no sign of it in the next second. Still, we both stood to assist, and after an hour or so we managed to get the sitting room presentable. Afterward, and despite the fact we were staying in, Felix insisted we change into nicer outfits. It seemed silly, and I could tell Mildmay thought so as well; still, in the interest of not spoiling the good mood that was starting to pervade the room, we shuffled back into our rooms to change into finer things. 

It was perfect timing, apparently; by the time I exited the room, Mehitabel was standing in the middle of the sitting room, her hair gracefully pinned up and wearing a lovely wine red dress, with a wrapped package in her hands. I frowned, wondering if she was on the way somewhere, before realizing. I froze, my breath caught in my lungs, some mix of surprise and fondness. She turned, and as soon as she saw me, smiled. She crossed the room, walking over to me, and kissed my cheek.

"You can open your gifts after dinner."

It almost seemed as though it was planned; as soon as she finished speaking, before I had time to realize what she meant by _gifts_ , there was a rap at the door. Mildmay, now dressed in smart trousers and a newly-pressed shirt, opened the door, and in swarmed a host of waitstaff. They laid out a veritable feast, certainly too much for four people to eat alone. Still, as I looked over the plates they brought, I noticed a good number of Kekropian dishes, things I hadn't eaten in years and hadn't realized I missed eating until this very moment. Unkindly, I wondered just how much it had cost Felix to bribe someone to cook them, then shook my head to clear away such a hideous thought. Instead, I swept over to him, kissing his cheek. He looked at me with wide eyes, feigning innocence and more than obvious for it.

:Why, Gideon. Whatever was that for?: He teased, adding, :Not that I'm _complaining_ , of course.:

:Of course not,: I laughed, sliding my hand into his. :I don't suppose you left any food for the rest of the Mirador, did you?:

He flapped a hand dismissively. :So Stephen will have _one_ roast chicken for dinner, rather than his customary two. He'll survive.:

We shared a moment of laughter, before Mehitabel cleared her throat and reminded us that we were not the only ones in the room. "You two wanna share with the class, or can we start eating?"

Felix rolled his eyes, though I could tell that his mood hadn't _actually_ soured. "Very well, I suppose," he drawled, and we all sat down. Before we could eat, however, he raised his glass, looking shyly over at me. "To Gideon," he toasted, a small smile on his face. "For being kind enough to tolerate my whims."

Mehitabel laughed, and I swear I could see Mildmay shrug in agreement. Felix colored slightly, my own cheeks burning hot, but they raised their glasses to toast, and the evening only got better from there.

* * *

We ate until we could barely move, and despite being an attempt by Melusinian chefs, the Kekropian dishes were passable. Mildmay, in particular, seemed to enjoy them more than Mehitabel and Felix; between the two of us, we managed to polish off at least half of each plate, as Felix and Mehitabel made snide, harmless comments about how we had no tastebuds.

It was surprisingly fun, and I found myself laughing more than I had in the last year, a feat I hadn't imagined possible. Once we were done eating, the three of them gave me gifts: a new book from Mildmay, who assured me his "cadeskiff friend" recommended it with the highest praise. Mehitabel presented me with a beautiful scarf, deep emerald with gold trim. And from Felix, a wax tablet replete with stylus. "So that you don't have to keep scraps of paper in your pockets," he explained. It was, truly, one of the most thoughtful things I had ever received, and I realized with a jolt that it may be the closest I might ever get to being able to speak again. I clutched it to my chest, before writing _thank you_ , and Mehitabel clapped when she saw it.

After dinner, a few of Mehitabel's acting troupe members came in and performed an abbreviated version of _The Tragedy of Saints_ , a play I'd mentioned wanting to see before the events in Aiaia. It was excessively, certainly, but so wholly surprising and enjoyable that I forgave Felix and Mehitabel for planning it out. The actors she'd joined up with were very talented, and despite its pared down state, I was just as enthralled with their performance as I might have been with a full set and cast.

It was a lovely evening. Once we were done, Felix called for the waitstaff to clear the dishes; Mehitabel's troupe stayed to have some wine with us, and we spent the rest of the time chatting and generally enjoying each others' companies. I had not ever expected this, and when things finally drew to a close, I found it a little bittersweet, wondering if most birthdays were quite so wonderful. I knew it couldn't be possible, but still — if it _were_ , I don't think I might have minded it every so often. 

I kissed Felix's cheek as we readied for bed, thanking him quietly. He offered me a smile, and we fell asleep curled together, comfortable and peaceful.

Perhaps there was some merit to celebrating one's birthday, after all.


End file.
